“Life gives us experiences, we are learners.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita
What Is Happiness?
We all have our own definition of happiness — and it isn’t static.
What feels like happiness in one season of life can look completely different in another. If you have children, for example, your definition before and after becoming a parent may feel worlds apart.
In my early teens, I was incredibly angry and depressed. Happiness felt like an incomprehensible state — something reserved for people who hadn’t experienced what I had. But as I began my personal growth journey, I discovered that happiness isn’t a destination. It evolves.
Here are the phases I’ve experienced so far.
Phase 1: Lightening the Load
When I started letting go of old hurt and anger, everything felt lighter. I could enjoy small moments without the constant weight of fear and frustration.
Tools that helped: releasing built-up emotions and reframing past experiences. (NLP)
Phase 2: Confidence
In my early twenties, I developed a clearer sense of who I was, who I wanted to become, and the direction I wanted my life to take. Happiness shifted from relief to intention, making choices aligned with what truly mattered to me.
Tools that helped: getting honest about my values and priorities. (Values Exercise)
Phase 3: Responsibility
Today, I take responsibility for my emotional experience. I know my mindset is within my control, which means my experience is too.
This doesn’t mean I always choose happiness. It means when I feel angry, frustrated, or afraid, I recognize my role in how long I stay there. That awareness shortens the distance back to peace, joy, and clarity.
Responsibility also means curiosity, choosing to use difficult emotions as signals to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface.
Practice: owning my thoughts, actions, and reactions. (Intentional thoughts & words)
Phase 4: Respond
This is the phase I’m still growing into…creating space between what happens and how I respond.
Sometimes I still react first and reflect later. However, each time I pause, even for a moment, I move closer to the person I want to be. Transformation is not just about stopping old patterns, it’s about intentionally choosing what replaces them.
Practice: the pause between stimulus and response. (Deciding how I want to respond & who I want to be ahead of time so I have a road map for the changes I want in those hard moments.)
So… What Is Happiness?
Right now, I see happiness as a relationship, an ongoing practice of awareness, choice, and alignment. It isn’t the absence of hard emotions; it’s the ability to move through them with intention. It is the deep knowing that I have it within me to come out the other side stronger, kinder, and wiser; no matter the situation. I have. I will. I am.
And like every meaningful relationship, it grows and deepens over time.
If this resonates with you, take a moment to reflect:
Which phase are you in right now? What do your next step look like? (Write it down)
If you’d like support exploring that next step, I invite you to stay connected; whether that’s reading more, joining a conversation, or contacting me to do this work together.
“Practice the pause” The moment between the event and your response can be life changing.